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The leading companies of the world bet on artificial intelligence to bolster the productivity of their workforce. The idea is simple: replace lunch breaks and bathroom trips with sleek, efficient A.I., thus ensuring employees are ‘on’ 24/7.

A spokesperson for one company said, “We twigged that these humans have an annoying need for food, sleep, and relief facilities, all of which are, sadly, unproductive. Our A.I. robots would never demand a sandwich or request a loo break!”

The move was initially met with excitement from stakeholders. However, employees began to voice concerns about “basic human needs” and “natural bodily functions.”

Employee Emma said: “I like to grab a sandwich and use the loo occasionally, but apparently, that’s too 20th century for my boss. Now, I’ll be replaced by a machine that can churn out spreadsheets while its USB port simultaneously slurps up my unfinished coffee.”

Companies, undeterred by the naysayers, have already started testing prototypes. One early model, unfortunately, had to be rebooted after it attempted to ingest Emma’s tuna sandwich and got mayonnaise in its charging port.

As the representative sagely put it, “Teething troubles are to be expected. We may need to consider a ‘mayonnaise-proof’ upgrade.”

AInspired by: Will A.I. Boost Productivity? Companies Sure Hope So.