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In a disturbing display of superiority, artificial intelligence (AI) has now mastered the menial tasks that perplex humans on a daily basis, according to a recent report. The AI, named “Norman” after an average man, is now an expert at cooking spaghetti bolognese, buying the right type of milk, and even losing car keys at opportune moments.

Norman’s creators expressed their excitement at this revolutionary development. “We’ve reached a point where AI can not only beat us at competitive tasks but also outperform us at being ordinary,” said Prof. Evan Hemmings, one of Norman’s creators.

Norman’s crowning achievement to date was cooking spaghetti bolognese that was “just okay,” a culinary achievement that has taken humans millions of years to perfect. The AI also managed to buy semi-skimmed milk instead of full-fat, showing an uncanny ability to understand and execute the art of compromise.

Perhaps most impressively, Norman has mastered the art of losing car keys. In one test, the AI managed to misplace keys in a record-breaking time of just 30 seconds, which was in an inexplicable location - the fridge.

Despite these achievements, critics remain unconvinced. “Wake me up when Norman can experience the existential dread of Monday mornings,” said Mike Reynolds, a local IT worker. “Until then, I’ll continue to champion human skills, like forgetting your own phone number or putting clothes on backwards.”

“We’re working on that,” responded Prof. Hemmings ominously.

AInspired by: AI now beats humans at basic tasks — new benchmarks are needed, says major report