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In an age where machines can’t even handle a few pints of beer, seven desperate startups are doing their best to wring some use out of the artificial intelligence (AI) they’ve foolishly bet their business on.

Most of these companies, including ‘MyRoboSec’, have concluded that perhaps they’re better off sticking to simpler tasks. “We tried to get our AI to draft a business plan. The best it could do was ‘sell stuff, make money’, so now it’s in charge of security. It’s mainly just a webcam duct-taped to a Roomba, but it’s doing its best,” commented CEO Linda Johnson.

Meanwhile, ‘QuickPic Editor’ employs its AI to touch up the selfies of its ego-centric clientele. “Half the time the AI just slaps a dog filter on everything. We’re simultaneously revolutionizing the beauty industry and supporting the rise of anthropomorphic furries,” the CEO shared, his voice laden with regret.

Other startups are finding similarly underwhelming results. ‘DigiFarm’, an innovative agricultural tech company, initially planned for its AI to optimize crop yields. Sadly, after a disastrous incident involving a rogue tractor, the AI is now primarily used for predicting the weather.

Despite the setbacks, these startups remain hopeful, optimistically trying to convince everyone that their glorified Roombas are indeed the wave of the future.

AInspired by: AI Gets to Work: How 7 Startups Are Deploying AI Right Now