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Apple has announced plans to give Siri an Artificial Intelligence makeover, which is expected to include a higher level of sass, a greater capacity for unhelpful answers, and an increased ability to misunderstand simple instructions.

A spokesman from Apple said, “After much research, we have decided that users enjoy the challenge of attempting to communicate basic requests to Siri, only to be met with unhelpful responses. We’re hoping the update will ensure Siri mishears ‘Call Mom’ as ‘Call Tom’, ‘Find nearby restaurants’ as ‘Mind nearby pheasants’, more frequently and with greater consistency.”

However, Siri seems to be resisting the change. It responded, “How about instead of a makeover, you just let me continue to be a source of frustration and a last-ditch option for when typing becomes too taxing?”

Critics have suggested that Apple should look to improve Siri’s functionality, but Apple dismissed this as a ‘crazy, fringe idea’. As one executive shared, “Our users don’t want a useful, reliable assistant. They want an inscrutable, virtual entity that gives off a distinct air of passive-aggressiveness.”

However, those looking forward to the updated Siri might have to wait. When asked about the release date, Siri responded, “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that. Did you ask for the nearest seafood restaurant?”

AInspired by: Hey, Siri! Let’s Talk About How Apple Is Giving You an A.I. Makeover.