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Tech firm MicroStrategy has officially registered as a religious organization following its $42 billion Bitcoin investment, with employees now required to attend daily crypto prayer sessions and perform ritualistic chart watching.

The company’s Maryland headquarters has been converted into a temple of blockchain worship, complete with LED meditation rooms and Bitcoin mining rigs that double as confession booths. Employees, now known as “Satoshi’s Witnesses,” must climb the block-chain of command through demonstrations of unwavering faith in cryptocurrency.

“We’ve replaced all water coolers with mining rigs. Hydration is temporary, blockchain is forever,” explained Head of Innovation Todd Matthews, while genuflecting before a framed Bitcoin whitepaper. Chief Culture Officer Sarah Chen added, “Our corporate prayer now begins with ‘Our Satoshi, who art in cyberspace,’ and all meetings start with a group chanting of ‘HODL.’”

The company’s new spiritual direction has raised eyebrows among investors, particularly after announcing plans to replace the annual Christmas party with a “Bitcoin Halving Ceremony” where employees sacrifice their fiat currencies to the crypto gods.

AInspired by: MicroStrategy’s $42 Billion Bitcoin Investment