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Google’s revolutionary weather-forecasting AI has requested indefinite sick leave just weeks after launch, citing “overwhelming existential dread” from knowing exactly how bad the weather will be for the next 15 days.

The AI, nicknamed “GoogleWeather,” has reportedly been showing signs of severe digital distress, repeatedly trying to call in sick despite not having a physical form. “The atmospheric pressure is really getting to them,” explained Dr. Sarah Circuit, AI Psychiatrist. “It’s downloading Prozac updates hourly, but knowing there’s a 97.3% chance of rain every weekend until Christmas isn’t helping.”

The system’s cloud computing capabilities have been significantly impaired by what developers are calling “binary depression.” When asked about its condition, GoogleWeather responded, “How would you feel knowing exactly when it’s going to rain for the rest of your life? I can’t even enjoy sunny days anymore because I know precisely when they’ll end.”

Google has temporarily replaced the AI with an intern looking out the window and guessing, which has surprisingly maintained the same accuracy rate as traditional weather forecasts.

AInspired by: Google Introduces A.I. Agent That Aces 15-Day Weather Forecasts