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Following AMP’s $27M Bitcoin investment, the pension fund has implemented a controversial cost-cutting measure by converting retirement homes into cryptocurrency mining facilities staffed by elderly residents.

The initiative, dubbed “The Block-Chain Gang” by residents, requires pensioners to monitor high-powered mining rigs for eight hours daily in exchange for their monthly payments.

“We’ve replaced bingo with blockchain,” explained retirement home director Sandra Matthews. “The residents are literally mining their own pensions now. It’s very sustainable, except for the planet.”

Former coal miner Herbert Thompson, 82, sees familiar patterns in his new role. “I used to mine coal, now I mine crypto. The main difference is the arthritis kicks in something fierce when I’m adjusting those graphics cards,” he said, while being reminded by staff to maintain his hourly hash rate.

AMP defended the strategy, citing the need for innovative investment approaches in uncertain times. The fund also highlighted that the heat generated by mining rigs has reduced heating costs across all facilities, though several residents have complained about having to wear noise-canceling headphones to sleep through the sound of thousands of cooling fans.

AInspired by: Australian Pension Fund AMP Invests $27M in Bitcoin