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Members of Congress defended their proposed pay raise today, citing financial hardship, while simultaneously submitting expense reports revealing what they consider “basic necessities” during the holiday season.

“We’re practically house poor,” claimed Rep. Timothy Cashgrab (R-TX), speaking from his fourth vacation home. “My golden toilet paper holder needs replacing. Do you know how much those cost? And don’t get me started on helicopter fuel prices.”

The push for increased capitol gains comes as leaked expense reports show congressional members struggling with “essential expenses” including caviar subscription services, professional golf ball polishers, and emergency yacht maintenance.

Dr. Eleanor Moneysense from the Economic Reality Institute reviewed the financial claims: “They’re behaving like trust fund kids who’ve blown through their allowance on NFTs and need to call home for more money. Except in this case, ‘home’ is the American taxpayer.”

The proposal includes a clause allowing representatives to install tip jars in the House chamber, with a suggested gratuity of 20% for “exceptional lawmaking” and 15% for “showing up occasionally.”

AInspired by: Congress Faces Backlash Over Proposed Pay Raise