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In his latest X-treme measure to promote positivity, Elon Musk has implemented a mandatory joy protocol requiring users to demonstrate visible happiness through their device cameras every 5 minutes while using the platform.

The new “Musk-have attitude” system uses AI to monitor facial expressions, automatically logging out users who display any sign of negativity, cynicism, or what the platform terms “insufficient enthusiasm.”

“The joy is mandatory, the happiness is compulsory,” stated X’s new Community Guidelines, which also require users to recite daily affirmations about the platform’s superiority over “that other blue bird site.”

“I haven’t frowned in weeks. Please help me, my face is stuck,” reported user @happyORelse, whose account has achieved “Supreme Bliss” status after 72 consecutive hours of sustained smiling.

The protocol comes with a new feature that automatically converts criticism of Musk into compliments, with phrases like “erratic behavior” being replaced with “visionary leadership,” and “platform decline” becoming “unprecedented growth opportunity.”

In related news, X’s new Department of Joy has announced plans to implement mandatory dance breaks during doom-scrolling sessions starting New Year’s Day.

AInspired by: Musk Promotes Positivity on X Amid Controversies