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San Francisco’s affluent drivers have begun an unprecedented campaign of voluntary poverty following the implementation of income-based speed camera fines, with Tesla owners now desperately trying to appear poor while racing through the city’s streets.

Local billionaires have been spotted driving their luxury vehicles in tattered clothes, with some even applying rust-effect vinyl wraps to their cars to game the new system. The phenomenon has created a new traffic hierarchy where the fast lane has become the “financially responsible lane” and the slow lane is now dubbed “crypto investor alley.”

“I exclusively wear Kirkland Signature while driving now,” admitted tech mogul Bradley Winchester, speaking from his $18 million mansion. “And I’ve started eating ramen noodles in my Bentley, just in case the cameras have AI food detection.”

City officials remain unconvinced. “Our advanced cameras can detect genuine poverty from performative poorness,” stated traffic enforcement officer Janet Chen. “We’ve already caught three venture capitalists trying to pass off their Maseratis as used Kias.”

The wealthy’s fast track to poverty has created an unexpected boom in the secondhand clothing market, though observers note most items still retain their Gucci labels.

AInspired by: San Francisco Activates Speed Cameras with Income-Based Fines