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Following China’s latest tariff hike to 125% on U.S. goods, Americans have abandoned traditional currency in favor of increasingly desperate bartering methods, marking what economists call a “tariffying” return to medieval commerce.

The “import”-ant development has led to a nationwide surge in playground-style trading, with TikTok users documenting their attempts to swap baseball cards for iPhones and Pokemon collections for solar panels. The situation mirrors a bitter divorce where both parties refuse to let the other have nice things.

“We’re seeing people trade their children for soybeans,” said Dr. Emma Price, Professor of Recreational Economics at MIT. “Last week, a man in Ohio successfully exchanged his vintage Mickey Mantle card for a Chinese-made microwave. It’s becoming the custom-ary way to acquire goods.”

Chinese officials have embraced the chaos. “Every American product must now be paid for with exactly 125 fortune cookies,” announced Wang Li from the Ministry of Creative Commerce, adding that alternative payment methods include “ancient proverbs, lucky numbers, or positive horoscope readings.”

Meanwhile, the U.S. Treasury has begun printing baseball cards instead of dollars, calling it “a more stable currency in these tax-ing times.”

AInspired by: China Raises Tariffs on U.S. Goods to 125% Amid Trade War