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In a groundbreaking decision, the Supreme Court has approved a new educational model where students can pick and choose which facts they want to believe, transforming American schools into what critics are calling “academic buffet restaurants.”

The revolutionary system, dubbed “Principal Principles,” allows students to load their intellectual plates with whatever knowledge appeals to them, while leaving unwanted facts like gravity and multiplication tables on the serving counter.

“This is true educational freedom,” explains Dr. Ima Skeptic, Director of the Alternative Facts Institute. “If a student believes two plus two equals five, who are we to force-feed them mathematical oppression? It’s all about personal truth.”

Schools nationwide are replacing teachers with Magic 8 Balls and ChatGPT subscriptions, creating what Principal Free Choice calls “a learning curve ball that empowers students to navigate their own reality.”

The new system has already shown results, with 100% of students reporting complete satisfaction with their grades – primarily because they’re now free to choose what constitutes a passing score.

The Supreme Court is expected to rule next month on whether homework violates students’ rights to blissful ignorance.

AInspired by: Justice Jackson on School Choice: Debate Over Educational Freedom