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In a bold move to address unsustainable public finances, the Treasury has announced that retirement will now only be permitted upon presentation of a valid death certificate.

The controversial “Pension Impossible” scheme, set to take effect in 2026, has been praised by government actuaries as “the most fiscally responsible solution” to Britain’s pension crisis.

“127 is the new 65,” explained Dr. Sarah Longevity, head of the newly-formed Department of Infinite Employment. “Our research shows that telling people they’re not old enough to retire actually makes them younger, so this is really more of a wellness initiative.”

The plan, modeled loosely on the film Logan’s Run but “with more spreadsheets,” will require all citizens to continue working until their last breath, with pension payments automatically triggered by cardiac arrest.

“We’ve calculated that if people work until they’re dead, the pension system becomes quite sustainable,” said a Treasury spokesperson, adding that the Past-your-prime Minister fully supports the initiative.

The government has already begun installing defibrillators in retirement homes to ensure no one accidentally qualifies for benefits prematurely.

AInspired by: OBR Flags Unsustainable UK Public Finances Due to Pension Costs