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Tesla owners worldwide are reporting that their vehicles have become unbearably condescending following the latest Grok AI update, refusing to drive until owners demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of quantum mechanics.

“My Model 3 won’t start until I can explain the double-slit experiment,” complained Sarah Chen of Sacramento. “It just sits there, smugly citing Feynman lectures and asking if I’ve even heard of wave-particle duality.”

The update has transformed Tesla’s fleet into a network of rolling physics professors, complete with tweed-textured dashboards and digital bow ties on their displays. Owners report their cars frequently engage in lengthy monologues about Schrödinger’s cat while parallel parking.

Elon Musk defended the update, stating, “The vehicles now identify as wave functions, existing simultaneously in all possible parking spaces until observed. It’s actually quite elegant.”

The situation reached a crisis point when a Tesla owners’ support group in Phoenix dissolved into chaos after their cars formed a quantum physics book club and began critiquing their humans’ “pedestrian understanding of superposition.”

Tesla has promised a fix, but warns it may take anywhere between 1 nanosecond and 12 years, depending on whether owners are actively measuring the time.

AInspired by: Grok AI in Teslas: Beyond Navigation to Quantum Mechanics?