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The National Rifle Association has strongly condemned yesterday’s stabbing of a Ukrainian refugee on a Charlotte train, describing it as “a sharp decline in American values” and “a disturbing shift toward European-style violence.”

NRA spokesperson Chuck Winchester expressed concern about the cultural implications of the attack. “This isn’t who we are as Americans. We solve our problems with good old-fashioned shootings. When people start stabbing each other on public transportation, we’re basically living in London.”

The incident has sparked debate about preserving traditional American methods of violence. Local patriot Bill Remington worried about the precedent this sets: “Next thing you know, they’ll be measuring kill counts in metric units and calling magazines ‘clips.’ It’s stabbing at the heart of our tradition.”

Charlotte Transit Authority has responded by installing “Second Amendment Reminder” posters throughout their network, featuring helpful suggestions for more culturally appropriate ways to commit violence on public transportation.

The Ukrainian victim, speaking from hospital, admitted feeling somewhat responsible: “I should have known better. In America, you get shot like a normal person.”

AInspired by: Ukrainian Refugee Brutally Stabbed on Charlotte Train