Alt Text

As the government shutdown enters its second week, federal employees have established an intricate bartering system reminiscent of medieval times, complete with its own marketplace on the National Mall.

The impromptu Federal Flea Market, as it’s been dubbed, sees essential workers trading everything from policy drafts to parking permits. The Department of Agriculture is reportedly accepting livestock as payment, while the Pentagon has established a complex defense contract system based entirely on trading baseball cards.

“I traded three executive orders for a sandwich yesterday,” admitted Tom Johnson, EPA Administrator. “The cafeteria staff won’t accept promises of future budget allocations anymore.”

The situation has grown increasingly medieval, with the Supreme Court now accepting payment in goats and the Treasury Department establishing exchange rates for various office supplies. “I’m personally accepting interpretive dance as payment for medical consultations,” explained Dr. Janet Chen, Surgeon General. “It’s actually working better than our previous system.”

Congressional leaders remain deadlocked in negotiations, though sources report several representatives have been spotted trading their votes for premium spots at the Federal Flea Market’s popular “Bureaucratic Bargains” section.

AInspired by: U.S. Government Shutdown Hits Second Week in ACA Subsidy Standoff