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Canterbury Cathedral’s new graffiti art exhibition was dramatically interrupted yesterday when dozens of long-deceased monks rose from their crypts to provide unsolicited criticism of the contemporary artwork.

The holy rollers, some dating back to the 12th century, emerged during the exhibition’s opening ceremony to express their disappointment with modern spray-painting techniques. Leading the sacred sprays critique was Brother Bartholomew, who died in 1432.

“Back in my day, we illuminated manuscripts for 40 years before even touching a wall,” complained Bartholomew, adjusting his decomposed habit. “These youth today don’t even know proper gold leaf application. It’s shameful.”

Sister Agnes, a nun who passed away in 1356, was particularly scathing about the use of modern typography. “The letter work is atrocious,” she declared, pointing a skeletal finger at a piece. “Where are the decorative capitals? The hand-drawn cherubs? This wouldn’t have passed muster in even the most basic medieval scriptorium.”

The Cathedral has since announced a new youth program combining modern street art with traditional manuscript illumination, though several young artists have already quit after being forced to transcribe the Bible in Latin before touching a spray can.

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